My daughter Morgan, and a few of her artistic colleagues, fed up with modern dating (think Hinge and Tinder), wondered if they could design a fake site where single men and women could be ordered as easily as ordering college textbooks, shoes, or humidifier filters. What if singles came starred and reviewed? What if all parties involved had to sign a “Non-Ghosting Agreement?” Their creation? “Amazon Dating!” The fake site has been commented on by a bunch of other sites, all who get the joke except for one who thinks Amazon’s playing a joke on their customers. (C’mon Betches, really?!)
Commenting in the article “Just In Time For Valentine’s Day, “Amazon Dating Is Selling Hot Singles Near You (Kind Of), GQ Australia, said,
If you’re currently in a relationship, you will be well aware of the fact that Valentine’s Day is fast approaching. Even if stores weren’t blasting Michael Buble and dropping confetti from heart-shaped balloons from the ceiling, it would be impossible to ignore your partner’s nudges that the romantic holiday is near and you better have that dinner reservation booked and a present purchased.
Singletons however, will likely be avoiding the holiday in its entirety. “It’s just romance at gunpoint,” those single colleagues will declare in the office, probably via email as they take the day off work in an effort to avoid anyone brandishing a bouquet of flowers and smug smile that they can only hope changes to one of disfiguration brought on by severe allergies induced by cheap chocolate and 7-Eleven purchased flowers.
Being single is tough. If it weren’t, we wouldn’t see people marrying someone they’ve just met on TV in the hope of finding love, or intelligent men and women pitting themselves against a number of others. Tech companies are well aware of the plight of the single woman and man, and consequently dating apps continue to roll out with increasing speed. But sometimes we’re just too busy for Bumble, too tender for Tinder, and too horny for Hinge, so what are we left with? What slim chance do we have of meeting someone in the real world then, hey?
Well, a parody site called Amazon Dating offered one solution: singles you can order with free one-hour delivery through your Prime Membership.
The website is an hilarious take on Amazon’s official website. Given that you can practically buy anything on Amazon these days – portable fans, sneakers, shampoo, cat food – it’s not so far-fetched to think that sometime in the future, we might just be able to order a date off the retail giant. In this instance however, instead of delivering packages, the site “delivers” dates. Visitors can “choose” from over 40 singles at varying prices and ratings, even with the option of selecting their ideal date’s height and love language.
Created by Ani Copian, Suzy Shinn, Morgan Gruer, and animation studio Thinko, the website features a number of Internet punchlines and even links to Chat Roulette as “Prime Video” and Britney Spears’s “Toxic” as “Your Last Relationship.”
While Amazon Dating’s FAQ page answers several questions and also goes on to outline that yes, the site is indeed a joke, it’s hard not to imagine that sometime in the future, Amazon just might enter the dating landscape with its own app, given that they seem intent on dominating every other sector. And if that was the case, we can only fear what our price tag would be. Heck, it would probably read: REDUCED TO CLEAR.