Hubby showed me how to bake my buns, cook my caboose or, in other words, toast my tushy!
Lest you think this is an X-rated post, I assure you it’s G-rated. (sorry to disappoint) Hon, forget increased horse power or better mileage. I’ve figured out the most exciting innovation in the automobile industry. I’m—umm–glowing about a modern way to bear the Arctic Zone.
If you think New Jersey isn’t an Arctic-Zone-kind-of-state, think again. Just witness temps hovering below freezing and hunched shoulders requiring frequent trips to the chiropracter. Crampons attached to boots would aid climbing my neighborhood’s steep, ice-covered driveways, fingers turn yellow due to loss of circulation–and that’s inside–and even my dog Lucy has decided that hibernation is preferable to doing her job (ie. barking like a maniac at mail and delivery trucks). In fact, she won’t even venture outside to do her business UNLESS I ESCORT HER!
What does I.C.E. stand for and am I going anywhere with this?
(Insight into the mind of a “high energy” person: as anyone who’s had a conversation with me can attest, points may seem random, but then they all connect in a perfectly logical way. Oh, and I even use parenthesis when I speak.)
I.C.E. is my newest title. I’m an ICE CHOPPER EXTRAORDINAIRE! You can find me outside several times a day, chopping ice as if it was the incarnation of all my frustrations (Yikes!) There’s a method to my madness. (“You will crack under the weight of my power!” Mwahaha!)
How do you melt the frozen heart of an I.C.E.? You toast tushies, of course! (Another way to melt an icicle heart? A trip to a tropical island. But, I digress.)
Three tried and true I.C.E. Melting Methods:
1. Laying on a dog’s haunches. Lucy’s furry fanny is so warm, I used it as a pillow and fell asleep. For about 45 minutes. (She didn’t seem to mind.)
2. Heating pad for the posterier. And for a sore back due to chopping ice.
3. And now…drum roll, please… what’s the best way to toast a tushy? First, start the engine and second, turn on the Seat Warmer! Ahhh! That’s what I’ll be doing until Spring arrives. You know what I found out? If you heat your seat, the warmth spreads upwards and even reaches extremeties such as fingers, ears and eyelashes. (I know, I know. Eyelashes aren’t extremeties, but when eyes tear up from the cold, they sure feel that way.)
Do you live in an Arctic Zone? How do you stay warm? I’m (ice) fishing for more ideas!