My family wasn’t a cussing family.
That’s not to say tempers didn’t flare. There was plenty of hollering in my home, accompanied by stomping feet and slamming doors. I just don’t recall swear words worse than damn and hell.
Then I went to college, where curse words found a way into my vocabulary. Along with everything else I loved about college, I loved the freedom to speak any which way I liked. The summer after freshman year, my mom heard my newfound trash mouth and commented on it. I tried to curb my gutter mouth while at home.
I recently encountered a different kind of Gutter Mouth, a man who is either a pathological liar, a con artist or both.
This winter, part of a plaster ceiling started crumbling, a sure sign of a leak. Enter Al who from now on in will be referred to as G.M., a so-called gutter expert from our town. He came recommended by a neighbor who also lives in an historic house and has introduced us to some wonderful people. My neighbor’s recommendation was all I needed. I’d come to find out later that G.M. had been flagged on a local online network as someone to avoid.
G.M. started work on our leaky gutters in December. He said the job would be done in a few weeks. After showing up a couple of times, climbing a ladder and assuring me that he was going to fix everything and more, he asked to be paid up front. Stupidly, we did. We thought that since he lives in town and has a kid who graduated with our kids, he was as good as his word and the contract spelling out the work and cost. After we paid him, he never showed up again.
The next six months we tried to pin him down or get a refund. Finally, under threat of the sheriff’s office, he taped a check to his door. Hubby made sure it didn’t bounce. It didn’t and now we’re through talking trash!
Top Ten Excuses and Lies of a Gutter Mouth:
- It might rain.
- It rained yesterday.
- It’s too cold.
- It’s too hot.
- I’m at the beach.
- There was an emergency at the beach.
- I’m in D.C.
- I’m busy with “the wife.”
- My son’s sick.
- Check’s in the mail.
Moral of the story: Don’t believe a Gutter Mouth, don’t talk like a Gutter Mouth and, for goodness sake, don’t pay the balance until the job is done!